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Insecurities Empty Insecurities

Post  binkyboo on Wed Jun 13, 2012 1:48 pm

((Bink's learning to compartmentalize his life!))

Jehan leaned in the doorway with that crooked grin on his face. Just watching for a moment. He knew that the dog/wolf had told on him already but still he called out," Well hello there handsome flower man

Sasha had and was still grumbling at Jehan's presence. Bink smiled and gave a full armed wave in his direction. " Heyla, Jay. I was just closing up shop for the night. How you been?"

Jehan stuck out his tongue at Sasha and managed to bite it as usual and muttered at himself a moment as he wiped at his lips then chuckled," good show tonight. They are drawing bigger crowd. Hopefully Mr. Wright will start seeing a return on his investment soon" he made little quote marks in the air as if he was quoting someone even though Bink could not see it ." How about yourself ?"

Bink chuckled softly, "I'm doing fine. Why aren't you doing well? whomever they are... perhaps you should ask them for help to draw in more people?"

Jehan blink blinked at him a moment then lifted a hand to rub at his own chin thoughtfully ," Well actually I am doing great...I guess I was using the wrong terms for you again since it was my crowd.

" oh... I'm sorry for misinterpreting then." He smiled gently. He got up from the crouch he'd been in and moved along the wall to finish tending to the plants for the night.

Jehan watched him a moment more then sashayed over and laid his hands on those shoulders meaning to turn him around into a hug," Damn why does everyone always talk to formal around here? I swear only one I can get a rise out of on first meeting is Mr. Wright . Give your lover a hug and a kiss then

Bink tensed a moment as he was touched, but as jehan spoke, he relaxed a little. Being turned in place he smiled to him and gave a little shrug. " I'm sorry. I don't know any other way to speak."

Jehan hugged him close and nuzzled into his hair with a sigh," you always smell so good ...and I was mostly teasing by the way . You know me..big ego ..big appetite..big...well.. big attention seeker..let's just say " he snickered softly at that. Apparently he had fed of too many drunks

Bink squeaked gently as he was hugged and blushed abit, " I.. I don't know you, Jehan...." He smiled gently to that. You don't really talk about yourself and I don't make a habit of purposefully reading your past. It hurts to do so all the time. I only get... glimpses when my guards are down and my concentration is blown." he gave a soft smile, " but its nice learning about you."

Jehan leaned into his smaller companion with a slight stumble back against the wall ," What is there to know?I am not that mysterious. i would say you get what you see..buuuuut." he laughed again and shrugged as he pet at Bink's hair," What do you want to know? ask me anything

Bink made another light yelp as he stumbled back himself into the wall. He stiffened at the impact and cringed a bit. He wasn't sure he liked this at all. It made him feel vulnerable, too vulnerable. ".. I... I need to finish closing up my shop, Jehan. Will you let me go?"

Jehan stiffened at the words and his eyes went wide . He jerked himself back and away from Bink with a hiss," Fuck..I'm sorry Bink ..I ..I don't know what is wrong with me...I...I'll wait outside...." with a hurried step he turned for the door.

Bink rested against the wall as he listened to the heels of Jehan's steps hurriedly clack away. He frowned, feeling his body droop with the reaction, but regardless he did finish his closing duties. When he was done, he went for his coat to put it on and stepped outside to close the outer door with Sasha. "...jehan...?" he called out quietly.

Jehan was sitting on the bench just outside the door with his head in his hands. He started a bit to his name and slowly looked up," I am here, Bink...I am..sorry for before. Are you ok?"

Bink sighed in slight relief as he reach up to feel the air for the cord to pull the door down. " I'm fine, but I was going to ask you the same thing, if you are ok, that is."

Jehan just watched him where he sat with legs pulled up under his chin and then he slowly put feet back to the ground and stood." I...hrm...promised you I would not knowingly lie to you didn't I? " he sighed softly and rolled his shoulders before he moved over to help pull that door down . " step back some let me pull the door down for you ."

Bink bobbled his head as he stepped back. " thank you." he spoke softly as he waited to hear the door close. " When did you lie to me... and why..?"

Jehan pulled the door down and secured it before he answered," I haven't yet. Not knowingly that I can remember. I was just asking to confirm before I answered your question about if I was ok . " he wiped his hands off and turned to look back at Bink" I guess the answer to that would be..I don't know if I am ok but I am trying to be?"

Bink smiled gently, " oh... well maybe you should just rest for tonight then?" he offered softly. " I mean I appreciate you being such a good friend and coming to see me every night, but you may just need some quiet time to yourself. Perhaps its best for you to head home and just rest?"

Jehan fidgeted slightly with a concerned look as he spoke softly," Are you wanting me to leave, Bink? Am I ..a bother and being too clingy . I.. believe it or not..was told that once ..that I hold on too tight when I love.

Bink reached up to ruffle at his own hair. " No, I want you to take care of yourself. I concerns me that you don't, and if you're not feeling well, perhaps that is your wake up call to do so."

Jehan snorted softly ," Last time I had a 'wake up call' it was an intervention that put me in a mental hospital for six months and rehab for another two. By then my girlfriend had decided she needed a different guy that could get her the good stuff. That was the first time I changed my name trying to leave that life behind. Damnit .. I feel like I am back in a meeting spilling my guts again...I just was trying to say sorry if I scared you earlier..your words scared me too.

Bink lowered his head abit, "... I don't understand. what meeting are we talking about? Why are hospitals just in your head... and.. what is a rehab?" Eventually he just went to hugging himself wit ha shrug, " You know what...? Nevermind. I don't need to know. Just know I'm ok. You just startled me when he fell into me earlier."

Jehan moved over and lifted a hand to gently pet at Bink's hair,"Sorry...more than you wanted to know I am sure . I just...I dunno Bink. I just want to let you be able to say that you know me.. by my choice I guess.

Bink smiled weakly, " Actually.... I have no clue what you are talking about." he laughed then and gave a shrug. "But I understand maybe half of what you say in a night. I'm used to not knowing the things you say. you just always are so happy when you talk, that i figure it best to let you."

Jehan snorted softly and leaned to faintly head bump him then sighed even softer," I love you , silly . Never so fast..never so intensely this. I am sure someone would tell me its not really but damnit i only think of two things.. singing..and you " he paused and frowned" no..i guess there are three things...singing, you and blood..

Bink chuckled gently, " You're right. You probably don't love me at all. I'm just also the best smelling food you've ever come by and can't ever have." He chuckled. It was strange to hear the words so calmly and almost cheerfully spoken. "You being near me is like a wolf living among the deer and saying he'll never eat venison."

Jehan put his hands on Bink's shoulders and held him at arm's length as he stared frowning at him and slowly shook his head " no only ever want to bite you during sex and I think that is just a reaction thing. I don't think of you as food I think of you as someone to be around to learn to live with . I mean I don'tt know alot about you either but everything youdon'tt understand tells me alot ." he glanced up at the door to Bink living area and then back to him" say... how about we take a walk? instead of going straight upstairs. can talk?

Sasha whined to that and he lowered his head, " Sasha's right. I'm not allowed to go out on my own. If I'm not here or at the Wharf, I'm in the Dreaming. it's too dangerous any other way, but, really, thank you for the offer."

Jehan looked down at the dog and furrowed his brow," But you wouldn't be on your own. Me and Sasha would be there . We could just go down to the store and back? The night is rain and its cool and quiet.

" That's not the point, Jehan. Sasha is a beautiful soul, but she's only a wolf. And you are a wonderful person, but you are a vampire. I cannot leave anywhere beyond this lot without the guard of another Fae. I'm sorry, but that is just the way it is."

Jehan looked around curiously," what makes you and not just across the street?Bink..please understand. I was never really good with the this is the way it is live with it line.

Bink smiled softly and reached out to pet at his arm. " I know you don't understand. We are of different worlds, Jehan. You really should get out more. You deserve to be around the life of this island that can appreciate everything about you." He drew up his sweater about himself. " I need to get inside now." He reached down for Sasha, He had no cane with him, and outside always made him more nervous in movement.

Jehan slumped a little bit as he was not prepared to fight this battle yet. Honestly he wasn't sure if he could protect Bink..he wasn't even sure what he would be protecting him from but he turned to head up the stairs to open the door for him, " Oh..I will rub off on you sooner or later, Bink . you appreciate alot already . besides.. you accept even what you don't understand..and that is still something I am learning to do myself

Bink stopped halfway up the steps with Sasha, sighing gently. " No." He said quietly, keeping his head lowered. "Jehan... I've been in existence since the beginning of life as the fae know it. It is my duty, my point of existence to accept everyone and everything. I cannot do so if I favor one being over another. That does no one good, ok. You are a really nice man, but you are barely a sparkle of existence on my really long time line. You won't 'rub' off on me, because I will not allow anything in this world to be placed into jeopardy for myself. I'm sorry... I'm sorry if that is misleading you. it is not my intention to do so." He reached for the door, himself to open it. " You should go home, Jehan. Go enjoy your evening.... immerse yourself in life. You need it."

Jehan went still for a moment and even forgot to breathe. He stared thoughtfully and then finally pulled himself up " Ahh you know.. you are probably tired yourself. I don't let you get much rest after all You should get some sleep. Wouldn't want you to get sick and all . Rest well.. call if you need anything I will just be over at the wharf. and I will see you later on

Bink shook his head slowly, "No, I'm fine. I had a day to rest. Jehan, spend some time away from me, please."

Jehan glanced back over his shoulder . He was still smiling though " yeah sure, love. I know I said already I get clingy . but yeah.. talk to you later then " he turned to continue down the street. Hands patted at his hips if he had had pockets he would have stuffed them in. The sacrifices one made for fashion , right? yeah..the club.. all those bodies and distractions...

Bink walked to the small set of stones on the small table by the staircase. He pressed his hand upon then as he crouched down and whispered to them, "... I need your ears and possibly more, if you have the time, Miss Calynn..."

Calynn was at his door almost before he finished speaking. Such was her way if he called using such means. His request as ever was not filled with words to concern her but still there was the gathering of frost around her and if it was seen the faint glitter that could have been the echo of a spear in one hand. Eyes swept the room as she made her way inside and she called out soft and clear ." called?

Bink bobbled his head as he moved to sit at the bay window. He drew up both legs to hug at his knees. "...bana'Shee doesn't really like my new friend very much, does he....?"

Calynn nodded her head at Sasha as that ghostly spear dissipate in a crackle of frost and she turned to the Seer with a tilt of her head," would know more than I his opinion. I am but his guard

Bink sighed and rolled his head since his eyes were rather blindfolded, " He tells you everything!!" He chirped. "Does he like Jehan?"

Calynn snorted and folded her arms over her chest," he tells me very little but he does speak in my direction occasionally . The vampire is not worthy of your presence

Bink nodded gently, " what do you think?"

Calynn arched a brow," I am loyal to my King. Ass that he might be .

Bink hung his head, " I meant what do you think about Jehan! Not bana'Shee!"

Calynn blinked a bit and sighed," specify Seer, Specify. I have not yet me the vampire to make a decision about him .

Bink sighed, " oh..." He hugged onto his knees again. "... Calynn, Jehan says he loves me. I told him he needed to get out into life and embrace because he needs to find others that he can enjoy what existence he has yet. But he doesn't get it. He still acts like we'll speak together as normal the next night or so. He keeps trying to bring me things and speaks about this world like I've lived here all my life, and though I've told him many times I don't understand half of which he says,.... he can still stand there and claims he loves me. I am not used to dealing with those not fae... I... I don't know how to tell him I am the Seer. That I don't love. I can't. Well.. i HAVE told him that. but I cannot get him to hear the word I say... to understand them."

Calynn furrowed brow as she stood there watching him ," What exactly are you wanting me to do or say Seer . As I understand it , from afar of course, love makes people very strange. Even those fae that are cursed with it . He is a young creature. if he bothers you that much I will rid you of him and be done with it ..." he paused and tilted head with a small smile," However if you are hesitant then perhaps.. you should give him what we have in abundance..time?

Bink shook his head, " We don't have time." He said quietly. " Jehan finally met with Thanatos last night. and Thanatos knows he comes here often. Thanatos is not to come here ever. Everything we worked for to keep this island open may be compromised. But I..." he sighed, " I was hoping you'd be able to speak more... emotionally based. 'Shee does not have emotions he shares and I am not allowed to be close to many of the other fae. they may use me. But... i know you understand emotion. You just never get to use it. So can you for me? To help me understand it. I've.... I've never had to before now. I've.. I've not been allowed to either."

Calynn stared at him a long moment more then sighed softly as her shoulders slumped a bit . Moving over to him she pushed aside a book and sat near. Voice was soft and more melodic in tone ," Bink...much has changed..for us all. The things of the past do not hold as true as they once did . He has touched you and you have allowed yourself to be touched in ways .." she smiled a bit more" that were not allowed before. I do do not fear the vampire lord, you know that . I say ... this life appears to be meant for different things for you ..what do you..Bink...see..not the Seer.”

Bink shrugs, ".. i don't." he buried his face into his knees, "...i can't see vampires. That is why I can let Jehan touch me as he has... it doesn't hurt me like touch normally would."

Calynn nodded a bit," and he was able to get near you and wish to be. Where so many others of his kind have only wished our blood and destruction. Eyes narrowed a bit. he has never bitten you has he?”

Bink frowned, "No. He said once before he was turned he liked... biting while touching, but he doesn't want to hurt me." he lifted his head a little, " earlier today, he was pressing himself against me and talking in his strange way and he pushed me into the wall. when I asked him to stop. He freaked out and fled outside. He was upset that he thought he hurt me. I was just thrown off balance. It spooked me, but didn't hurt me."

Calynn considered that for a long moment before she sighed softly," there is the chance that this creature does have feelings for you and it is not just trying to hunt you in some strange fashion. Perhaps this life you are having a..what do they call it here..vacation? Take the opportunity to play as many of us are now that food becomes plentiful again. Or is he that bad at it?”

Bink blushes. BRIGHTLY. "... i think you have been hanging around 'Shee too much. you're beginning to sound like him."

Calynn brows arched and she grinned," ooh a know he was that good at it then, hmmm? Sure you are casting him off? I might have to track him down afterall.”

Bink whined softly, "I'm telling 'Shee you stare at his ass when he walks away because you want to grab it in your hands to feel that firmness." He was already uncurling from the blanket to do just that too.

Calynn snorts, " he would also believe that must be true of all women ..that is if he was to acknowledge I was a woman. That fae is so full of himself he probably thinks all the males think that way as well ." she waved a hand at him as she turned to look out the window but she did flick a glance his way under her lashes to make sure he wasn't really making that call ," fine fine..hands off the vampire

Bink had his hands hovering over THAT call." Good!" he smiled softly, " but, Calynn... what am i supposed to do if he wants to take me out of this building? The glamour and protection spells don't go past the lot? Do i just keep insisting I can't ever leave?"

Calynn rubbed the back of her neck thoughtfully for a moment as she appeared to be looking out to the forest beyond." Let me talk to some people. See what I can come up with . At the very least you could call me and I can give you an excuse..a client maybe? or an escort . My information says there is no army waiting on the island yet. I can handle most of the remaining ones that are here. Why else would He trust you with me ?”

Bink nods, " because 'Shee trust you with his life. He doesn't trust many. He gives you the greatest compliment ever in doing so." He smiled gently and patted about for the phone. The real, human phone. It was a cordless. he brought it over to Calynn and held it out to her. " I will do that then, now....I have one last favor to ask of you." He blushed. " i... don't have jehan's number, but I know he is at the club. But you know I do not know how to use these human calling machines. Could you... call him for me?"

Calynn made a little sound. somewhere between a snort and a laugh at the idea of it being a compliment. But she knew it was. She also felt it was well deserved but still. She took the phone he offered and gave a crooked smile as she eyed it and tapped at the digits " I really need to teach you this. You might have clients for your plants that are not reachable through your usual means " phone lifted to her ear as she waited " Ah, yes. This is Temperance. Could you announce a call for Jay Rakosi, please. I will hold for him. " putting the phone back in Bink's hand carefully " he should be there in a few moments.”

Bink leaned forward and kissed Calynn's cheek. It was a common gesture he did to her when he thanked her. As it was common among their kind. It was the kiss a younger gave their elder sister or mother. " Thank you, Miss Calynn, for listening."

Calynn smiled lightly and sighed before reaching up to gently ruffle his hair. she didn'tt know why It just became a usual gesture around him ," meh, you have listened to me complain on at times. " not that she really did but even a single sentence complaint was to her alot. Do not tell the Lord of this though I know saying that gives you leverage over me...again.”

Bink shook his head, " I do not blackmail or leverage. it feels bad." He left it at that as he held the phone... oddly in his hands to wait for Jehan to speak into it.

Calynn moved the phone up to his ear before she patted his arm and stood to make her way back out of the building

There was alot of background noise all the sound and commotion of the club as Jehan's voice came on the line," Hello? This is Jay."

Bink furrowed his brow as the sounds were much too loud for him, he even pulled the phone away abit to speak loudly at the phone. " Jehan? Jehan!! This Communication machine is really loud. I want to talk to you!"

The sound suddenly quieted as he moved into the office and closed the door behind him," Bink? Is that you Bink? Are you ok? What's wrong?

Bink still held the phone out as he hand been and spoke just as loudly. "I think this communication machine is broken! I want to talk to you. Can you please come back. I'm sorry!"

" Bink...I will be right over...hold on !" There was the clatter of the phone being dropped to its cradle and then the dial tone but it really wasn't that much longer before there was a knock at the door with a certain redhead calling out," Bink are you alright? It's me.

Bink hadn't hung up the phone... because he didn't know how. He walked over, and opened the unlocked door to smile shyly at jehan. "Heyla again, Jehan.." he ducked his head and blushed a little. "..I.. I'm sorry i sent you away earlier. I'm worth alot to a lot of people and I didn't want any of that to endanger you or take away from a life you deserve. But... i do enjoy the time spent with you. I just... I don't know these emotional things. I've never been allowed to have them until now. Its scary. Can... can you forgive me?"

Jehan stood there blinking at him , slightly disheveled looking though warm feeling and with color to his cheeks. Finally he stepped in and took the beeping phone from Bink to hang it up," i think..instead of trying to control need to work on just living it.. for a little bit at least. as much as you can...and ill try to too

Bink giggled gently, " Jehan.... you just said tutu..."

Jehan pushed the door closed behind him and pulled Bink into a hug as he laughed," I did! I wore one once . Should have seen it

Bink frowned abit, " But Jehan.... I can't see." he did hug onto him just the same. " But I think I understand what you mean... this time." He rested his cheek against his chest and sighed, " I spoke with one of my protectors to see if they can find a way to allow me to leave the building with you because I know you want to so badly, but I don't know how long that'll take, ok?"

Jehan lifted his head with a big grin ," Hey that is great!and.. time.. well they keep telling me that time is something I have alot of now so that is ok. I can wait . I will gladly wait as long as you need me too Bink."

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